The next minutes were spent copying
young Goku from a poster. While the next days were spent convincing my brother
and mother that I did not traced it, but copied it (hahaha there’s a huge
difference you know). They wouldn’t believe me! They actually thought that I was lying.
But when I repeated drawing another comic book character, they finally did. It
was the height of afternoon anime, so the rest of the pages were filled with
characters that I have grown to love. When you’re a 9 year-old, there’s a
certain feeling that anything you draw can be considered as an art. It gave me
the confidence I need to start joining poster making contests in school,
eventually winning first and second place most of the time. It gave me hope
that I have a future in pursuing this thing called art.
For my 10th birthday, father
bought me two sketchbooks and a set of watercolor pencils. He tried to hide it,
but I found out this gold two days before my birthday. I was ecstatic! There’s
nothing like brand new pages to draw in. I continued this cycle of copying and
coloring, sometimes venturing out on drawing my own characters. I even thought
that I would end up being a Manga artist. I also tried submitting fan arts to
W.I.T.C.H. magazine, yet it broke my heart month after month when I didn’t see
my artwork there. After several submissions, I stopped sending them over and
just kept them to myself. I still have
high hopes, until high school came.
I met batch mates who also knew
how to draw, not only that – they also have their own styles. It slowly crept
into me that maybe I was just a disillusioned girl, that whatever I was making
cannot be considered worthy. I felt fake not being able to draw without
copying. Comparison became the thief of my passion. A few weeks after school
started, I gave it up. I shoved the colored pencils away and decided to be a
studious student. Aside from the usual portfolio requirements, I cannot
remember a time that I picked up a tool not because I want too, I did it just
because it was a requirement that I needed to pass.
It was a 4 year long hiatus of
neglecting my gift.
There’s nothing more to tell
because I forgot it all.
Until the muse came with the flood.
Typhoon Ondoy broke out, we were
stuck in the apartment for three days. Just like my 9-year-old-self, I was left
with boredom to deal with. I was missing my school, missing being out of the
house, and missing my new-found-college-friends. So, I drew them. It may be a
cliché thing to say but the spark was ignited once again. It’s like there’s a
part of myself that craved doing this for a long time. By then, it was the era of doodles and
Tumblr. Every now and then I doodle and draw a bit in my spare time. I also
joined mini creative contests when I find the chance.
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| There were ten of us in our college barkada back then, each of us had her own version. I guess this was my self-portrait. :) |
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| Early hand lettering pieces when I still have zero knowledge about it. |
Art came back. Art is finally
there once again. Whenever I was stressed, or plain happy, it was there. After
so many years of being contained, it was starting to take its root on me. Friends
were also encouraging enough to notice the talent that may have slipped my
notice from a long time ago. Still, I
cannot pursue it as much as I want because my priority then was my studies, it
was too late to shift courses anyway. It may be a weird thing to say, but
another 4 years has passed. Yes, art was
there but it was on the sidelines.
The year 2013 was the real deal breaker from me. I graduated from college, got a job two months after, and without schoolwork I had a lot of time in my hands (in comparison when I was still a student who juggled 8 subjects with a lot of requirements). Opportunities to learn opened up. Earning my own money allowed me to buy colored pens that I couldn’t indulge with when I was still a student. I was able to carve budget to enroll in a calligraphy class, I discovered that there’s a thing called typography, and I can finally enhance my watercolor techniques that I learned from Valerie Chua’s class (it was the only art related thing I was able to attend to when during college).
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| Some of my outputs from Filed's 30-Day Wander A Day Challenge |
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You have reached this point of
the story and might be wondering what the point of telling this is?
Well you see, art and me had a
very long history. It was a long time coming before we finally saw each other
in a different light. Looking back on all those years made me realize that I’ve
wasted too much time. As I said earlier, comparison became a thief. It robbed
me of time that I should have spent practicing, honing, and discovering the
craft – the gift that I was given. It made me give up and forget it for a
while.
This is the year that I embraced
that art runs through my veins that I’ll probably bleed colors if I’m hurt.
This is the year that I am slowly
letting go of my doubts that it might not amount to anything in the end.
This is the year that I am
replacing my fear with faith.
It is with faith that I am
continuing this path, knowing that the Greatest Artist of them all values art
whether it be grand or small. No wonder he called us His creation.
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In times when hesitation creeps
up my sleeve, I hold on to these words:
“and I have filled him with the
Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all
kinds of skills— 4 to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and
bronze, 5 to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of
crafts.” –Exodus 31: 3-5
“When I stand before God at the
end of my life, I hope that I don't have a single bit of talent left, and say,
I used everything you gave me” –Erma Bombeck
Days of pondering has lead me up
to my why: To use all the talent I’ve been given for His glory.
This is a reminder that when
insecurities come in, my focus should be kept on Him. Not on what others can
produce, but what I can do with what I’ve been given. The rest shall follow
after. I’ve come to terms that it’s an added bonus if it can inspire and
motivate others to push through their own capabilities.
The long sleep is over, it’s time to wake up and not neglect the gift that I’ve been given.
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